I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. The thought of leaving behind my friends, my family, my community. It was like all of the fear and anxiety that dwelt in me bubbled up to the surface and exploded like baking soda and vinegar in a paper mache volcano. I panicked. I kept telling myself I couldn't do it. That there was no way I could make it. I do that way too much. Think.
Thinking comes in handy sometimes, when solving a math problem or writing an essay. But in the real world, there's never going to be a time when I'm going to have to solve a logarithm or come up with an analytic
approach to Shakespeare's life. There just won't be. What there will be in my life are lots and lots and LOTS of decisions. Some easy decisions, like what to eat for dinner, and some hard ones, like choosing a career path. If the brain takes over, even the easiest of decisions can be misconstrued into a seemingly life-or-death situation. This is one reason I don't like to drive by myself. Even with the radio on, if I'm left alone without anyone to physically talk to, my brain starts to run a million miles a minute. That's one reason I sing so much in the car. It's hard to think too much while belting out "Call Me Maybe" cruising down the highway. Being in college, especially as a music major, has taught me some things. Out of all of these things one stands out as the most important to me: follow your heart.
After I had finally moved in on great move in day, I just wanted to cry. Everything I had known for the last eighteen years was leaving me. I felt helpless and alone. Luckily, I have some amazing friends from back home that pulled me from the trenches of depression into a world I never imagined I would love. Classes started, and the music program at Tech welcomed me into their home, and I quickly became "one of those music majors."
Today at convocation, a guest clinician from New York came and spoke to the music majors about being a music educator. She gave off such an incredible vibe that it was hard for me not to absorb every word of wisdom that came from her. She got me so pumped to teach choir that I can't even stand it!
My point is, this woman spoke to us about passion. Nobody succeeds in the music business by thinking with their head. It's passion that sets the great apart from the good. To truly LOVE what you're studying is the most amazing feeling ever. I just CANNOT imagine anyone studying something just for monetary gain. Money can't buy happiness. Passion. Passion buys happiness.
Today was such a good day. All of my classes let out early, I got to hear an awesome speaker, got to see my family, and I got to spend time with my Chorale friends. If I had continued to think with my head, to over analyze, I wouldn't be enjoying myself near as much as I am now.
It just completely amazes me how God has a perfect plan for His children. There are days when I question this plan, and there are days like today when I know exactly what He wants for me. But no matter what happens, I know that in the end, I'll end up where I need to be.
God Bless,
Nick Mullins!
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