Saturday, September 22, 2012

Is This Home?

     Home. Four letter word. By definition: a house or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person,  family, or household. Such a word as "home" cannot easily be squeezed into one sentence. It's strange to me, really. Is home a concrete object that can be touched, or an abstract state of mind that is felt? 
     My new "home" in Cookeville is now my usual residence. But does it feel like home? That's a hard question. Sure, I really do like living there. New Hall North is nice. It's the perfect size for all my comfort needs. But my home is not room 344, New Hall North Cookeville, TN. My home is still in the ole Manchester. 
     This morning I woke up in Cookeville and got ready to go back to Manchester. As I stepped out the doors of the building and headed towards my car, I stopped dead in my tracks. The sheer beauty of the campus today was breathtaking (it was an Instagram opp I couldn't resist). Everything from the way the sun was shining on the bell tower of Derryberry as it peeked through the trees to the wonderfully comfortable temperature that made me want to just stroll down Dixie was a much needed reminder of how lucky I truly am to live in Tennessee and go to Tech. So many people never get the opportunity to go to college and have the full experience like I am getting. It's definitely a motivator. Referring back to my last post, this is one of the instances when my over-thinking mind is useful. Sometimes I use time alone to reflect spiritually on myself. I think everyone can use a good reflection every now and then by pin pointing all of the good things in life.
     The drive home was equally as beautiful, and belting the Wicked soundtrack made the time fly by. When I got home I could barely talk due to attempting Elphaba notes (probably also due to the fact that I sang all day yesterday at Festival of Voices.) 
     Anyway, I arrived home after a longer-than-usual leisure drive to find my dad waiting for me on the porch. My sister leaped out of her chair to hug me. I felt so welcomed. I never get that reaction when I go back to Cookeville (not that I would want a hug from everyone I see in Cookeville, just clearing that up .) 
     My family is crazy. Certifiably crazy. But when you live with people your whole life and then suddenly don't, a world of epiphanies are bound to occur. Some things, small habits and mannerisms, that I'd become used to in my eighteen years with these people I started to realize were super annoying. There are things now I can't stand that a month ago were routine. On the other side of the spectrum, things that used to annoy me I know miss about my family. It's the small things, folks. My mother has tucked me into bed nearly every night of my life. I miss that. I miss my dad's nerdy humor and the way he thinks he's cool. I miss my sister more than anything, even though moody teenager mode has taken over. They may be annoying to the point where sometimes I question my genealogy, but I really miss them sometimes. It's the small things. Singing with my sister. Cheesy jokes. Being treated like a child. Homemade meals. HUGS. These are the things that make my dysfunctional house a home. 
God Bless, 
Nick Mullins!   

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Passion

     Four weeks ago from today, I moved into room 344 in New Hall North at Tennessee Tech University. 

I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. The thought of leaving behind my friends, my family, my community. It was like all of the fear and anxiety that dwelt in me bubbled up to the surface and exploded like baking soda and vinegar in a paper mache volcano. I panicked. I kept telling myself I couldn't do it. That there was no way I could make it. I do that way too much. Think. 
Thinking comes in handy sometimes, when solving a math problem or writing an essay. But in the real world, there's never going to be a time when I'm going to have to solve a logarithm or come up with an analytic
approach to Shakespeare's life. There just won't be. What there will be in my life are lots and lots and LOTS of decisions. Some easy decisions, like what to eat for dinner, and some hard ones, like choosing a career path. If the brain takes over, even the easiest of decisions can be misconstrued into a seemingly life-or-death situation. This is one reason I don't like to drive by myself. Even with the radio on, if I'm left alone without anyone to physically talk to, my brain starts to run a million miles a minute. That's one reason I sing so much in the car. It's hard to think too much while belting out "Call Me Maybe" cruising down the highway.   Being in college, especially as a music major, has taught me some things. Out of all of these things one stands out as the most important to me: follow your heart. 

After I had finally moved in on great move in day, I just wanted to cry. Everything I had known for the last eighteen years was leaving me. I felt helpless and alone.  Luckily, I have some amazing friends from back home that pulled me from the trenches of depression into a world I never imagined I would love. Classes started, and the music program at Tech welcomed me into their home, and I quickly became "one of those music majors." 
Today at convocation, a guest clinician from New York came and spoke to the music majors about being a music educator. She gave off such an incredible vibe that it was hard for me not to absorb every word of wisdom that came from her. She got me so pumped to teach choir that I can't even stand it! 

My point is, this woman spoke to us about passion. Nobody succeeds in the music business by thinking with their head. It's passion that sets the great apart from the good. To truly LOVE what you're studying is the most amazing feeling ever. I just CANNOT imagine anyone studying something just for monetary gain. Money can't buy happiness. Passion. Passion buys happiness. 

Today was such a good day. All of my classes let out early, I got to hear an awesome speaker, got to see my family, and I got to spend time with my Chorale friends. If I had continued to think with my head, to over analyze, I wouldn't be enjoying myself near as much as I am now. 

It just completely amazes me how God has a perfect plan for His children. There are days when I question this plan, and there are days like today when I know exactly what He wants for me. But no matter what happens, I know that in the end, I'll end up where I need to be. 
God Bless, 
Nick Mullins!